EEEEK

I just recieved a development email that i was getting while i was pregnant with emily and then it changed into child development
anyway
it just told me in just over a month i will have a one year old!
now im a little sad, its ok that lilly will be 4 just 2 weeks after emilys birthday...it is not however ok that my baby is going to be one!....where did the first year of her life go...its like i went to sleep and woke up the mother of a nearly one year old! When your feeling that your family is complete im more emotional about her turning one that I ever thought I could be. I want to celebrate it, but there is this part of me that is breaking and going this is the last time...:( I have so loved this stage of my life. Having babies is wonderful...but i feel like we have what was meant for us. We have to work so hard to get pregnant and then i have such issues in the last month as the baby gets bigger and my body packs it in and i cant lie and say its been easy as i get older (Emily is a dream baby or was a dream baby) but i have felt every single sleepless night this time around. for me right now...there is just something very bittersweet about this birthday all the first she has shared with us over the last year there isnt many times in your life that you get to do all these things is there.
anyway my dh doesnt get it...he is happy to move into the new stage in her life and celebrate it...i want to be ok but im sort of greiving i think this part of my life was a dream come true, i guess its now time to live the dream in the next chapter