Sunday, October 12, 2008

so you think you can scrap 6

ok this weeks theme almost saw me pull out. i didnt know if i could do it, but u know since i got it on the paper and ive rewritten it and read it now a few times i havent cried since?? im sure there will be more tears but for now i take the cheap therapy!
the theme...journalling (about something sad..eek), only one pattern paper (bo bunny doubled sided i used) had to have 100 words or plus and have handwritten something on the page.
the journalling reads:
one moment, one decision, one split second and life as we know it changed forever. Ive asked these questions of myself a million times and more. WHY were we there? at that moment WHY was there a truck reversing when its illegal in the snow and WHY wasnt emily in my arms?? WHY WHY and it doesnt matter how many changes i make to the story on THAT day disarster was going to happen to us.
I know how lucky i am that emily is alive and well. Im all to totally aware that things could of been so very much worse on that day. That truck did so much damage. Emilys arm was damaged, the type of damage that lasts a lifetime. We were all emotionally damaged I HOPE NOT BEYOND REPAIR. but I was and still am ROCKED to the core. I will never understand WHY this happened. What was the purpose??? WHY??I didnt need reminding to look after my children, I already knew i was blessed, they are always the focus of our life. So WHY?? what was the purpose of this? Emily doesnt deserve to carry this her whole life, so WHY? and so continues my unanswered question... WHY

this stuff is in my head and heart all the time. this was a great way to get it out. but i also feel like a bit of a heal when u read some of the journalling in the gallery, while it doesnt take away from what happened to us it gives me a little more perspective i think...hard to explain...i guess i was left with she is still here and pretty much ok, get over it sort of feeling....i know i wont ever get over it...but im thankful that i could have her in the first place and that we didnt ever lose her.

an emily update: i havent done this for a while. my girl had her hand therapy transfered to ballarat to a wonderful lady called jen. she has a little boy not much younger than emily and i sometimes think this makes a world of difference in whats happening. when we left the hospital we had a list of exercises to do with emily..they quickly became agony for us all as she didnt like it and screamed the house down until it was over...and when u r spending 5 or 6 minutes like that 5 times a day its wearing!! anyway enter jen. and a big change to home therapy. its all play based and manipulating what she is playing with...woohoo!!! this last two weeks...a bag of rice for playing with a pouring and digging in. we r on the look for turning toys too. emily has alot more function back in her hand and arm too...its still slow and and its still limited but we can see huge improvements. some wrist turn...its so slight but its there when she picks up a spoon and pours the rice. her thumb is starting to strengthen slightly too which is helpful for getting her pressure garmet on! an overall improvement in fuction. she still wants to write and draw with her left arm and always tries it first then changes when she cant move her arm and wrist, but i watched her the last few days get that wrist and hand in nearly a good enough position to make a mark on the page.....I HAVE HOPE. i hope it continues for her second surgeon accessment, but at the same time I HOPE kind of that they deal with the remaining surgery soon.


Chris Millar said...

Brilliant layout Jac! I can imagine that it would have been very hard to write all this down, but I hope it has helped in some way also. Glad to hear that Jen is making such a difference in Em's treatment! Great news!

Hey, I hooked up as a 'follower' on your blog!!

Kirsty said...

Its beautiful:-)
I am so happy to hear you have a new therapist for Emily! That must be so much better.
I almost pulled out too, not because of my own journalling, I just hate that we have to let someone go this week after pouring their hearts out. Its going to hurt:-(

candy said...

Those are beautiful words for your page. Poor little dear...