more wishes needed

ok so in about 30 or so hours
we will know if the skin graft has taken and is healing well enough for us to go home by the weekend
i so want this to happen

im sick of living in a hospital
im sick of having my family split between here and there
im sick of not being there when both my girls need me
im sick of medical procedures, and the smaller ones i have to be involved with
im sick of sitting by a cot in a curtained room day after day
im sick of hearing hi-5 (even if thankful for them when its the only thing that emily is happy to see, usually at 4 in the morning!!!)

i hate the fact that my little girls now know that mummy and daddy cant always protect them from stuff that happens in the world
i hate the fact that this will change our lives forever...i will forever be scared to walk near the back of a car with the kids (which will make shopping interesting), i will forever be scared that the kids will dart out on the road when they r not holding my hand while walking on the sidewalk, i will forever be scared of what others r doing in their cars while we r near them and i will forever be scared of what this means for emily in the future (i have told lilly about what emilys arm will look like, and while we will love her no matter what her arm looks like i fear what kids r going to say to her during the school years. I will actually be thankful for the rest of my life that that patch of skin and arm is actually there, but how do u explain that to a child experiencing it.)

i am on a more positive note...driven at the moment to when the time is right GIVE BACK! we have received so much from so many people in the last few weeks. i feel that i have a mission to make sure ronald mc house, starlight, and the hospital to name a few are part of the give back feeling i have. And i hope to part of major fund raising events during the later part of this year and the start of next. im also going to look into becoming a play therapist....it is just lovely what these people who were once teachers do for the children in the hospital. i love teaching always will, there is nothing quite like hearing a child read for the first time and knowing u had something to do with it, but seeing the smile on emilys face when the therapist comes to see us or we go to the play room is something i would like to give back to people too.


last night lilly finally opened up about what she saw that day 3 weeks ago....and she remembers emily being stuck and mummy and daddy screaming it must of been a scary sound for her to hear. It makes me still cry, when i think that i am only just now starting to deal with her pain from the accident. which i am told is all on the track of how kids deal with trauma. Its taken that long for her to want to talk about it.

ok i wasnt going to post today....but had stuff to get out of my head...its full today of thinking!
hope everyone is well and taking care