tired

im so tired today and pretty emotional...its not a good day for me
dan will be in today so that i will hopefully get some type of better sleep tonight and to spend some time with lilly who i am also desperately worried about, she is such a great helper through all this but she really needs some time with a parent, so we r going to make some lunch together today over in the house kitchen and attempt to do something that is very normal for her.

emily recovered well from last nights LATE op....we didnt get back on the ward until after 11 and then by the time we were handed back over, fed her and gave her water and then worked out she needed some more pain relief it was well after 1 before i finally got to pull out my bed, and then of course the ward was very noisy last time with lots of crying babies (who i really felt for, but i didnt cope well with) obviously the staff r a little worried about me too at this point. They have organised a volunteer to sit with emily and play so that i can have a break, right now! and are going to keep doing this so i can get myself organised after next week when my wonderful mother goes home, and my wonderful dad takes lilly home for a bit so she can get a bit of normal life stuff going on. im suffering from all my food issues too atm, not being able to cook for myself is an issue. so im going to have to do something to get this all fixed up, starting with some food shopping today and cooking some things i can freeze.

an emily update....last night she lost a little more tissue off the top of the arm, but it was minimal....whats left is expected to make it all going to the only plan i will accept! surgery was quick!!! which was very nice. at this point we r now surgery free for 48 hours!...48 hours of food for emily WOOHOO!, she will then go in EARLY on sunday for the same op as yesterday again. They have decided to slowly move forward, because the tissue that is left is showing so much promise they want to use as much of that as possible. so while it sounds worse that we will be here longer its actually better for emily. a smaller graft and flap to be created i hope.

long term we had some news last night.....she will of at this point only lost the ability to open her fingers up and out, but will have movement to her hand and her fingers will have some too, we dont know what at this point, but its hopeful that can be improved too. Its this function that will be repaired a little bit later on. with muscle reconstruction using a muscle from her leg they think. I HOPE.

again all this information changes daily for us...it will be interesting to read all the changes in the future when we move past this.
sorry if u found it hard to read through the dribble...this is a bit of therapy for me and a way to get my feelings out a bit and work it on my own.

i hope all your families are well and again we r so thankfully to read all your messages and are feeling very cared for.